The Secret to Making Your Holidays More Meaningful with Becky Kiser and Sacred Holidays
The holidays don’t have to be stressful! Your family can celebrate them with thoughtfulness and intention! This new book from Becky Kiser called Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus is a game changer for me.
The holidays don’t have to be stressful! Your family can celebrate them with thoughtfulness and intention! << Click to Tweet
This new book from Becky Kiser called Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus is a game changer for me. I really do love the holidays, all of them. However I typically get stuck in the ugly cycle of being too busy, not preparing for the holiday, making a mad dash to save the day, and then feeling crummy because it didn’t meet my expectation. It’s the worst when Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, or my child’s birthday did not match the picture I have in my head of what it SHOULD be. Yikes!
I want 2019 to be the year I break out of that cycle. This doesn’t mean that every holiday form here on out will be perfect but that they would be approached with intention and on purpose.
What I love about Becky’s book is that she make it easy to achieve that. It’s part soul encouraging and part resource that walks you through the steps you can take to simplify and bring meaning back to your holiday experience.
She touches on what to consider when planning and decorating for each holiday, how to manage friends and family who do things differently than you, and why grace matters in the process of figuring our what works for you and your family.
I had the pleasure of speaking with Becky on The Family Culture Project Podcast about her new book and how we approach our holidays with intention. Check it out!
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.
The Benefits of a Family Meeting and How You Can Host Your Own
Within a workplace or an organization, regular team meetings are a given. They keep people informed, help them achieve goals and ensure everyone is on the right track. Weekly meetings within a family can do the same.
Within a workplace or an organization, regular team meetings are a given. They keep people informed, help them achieve goals and ensure everyone is on the right track. Weekly meetings within a family can do the same.
Our family meeting is one of my favorite things we do as a together. It has dramatically improved our communication and connection. This weekly check-in is essential in building culture because it gives us an opportunity to see if we are spending our time and resources in a way that lines up with our family’s values. It also allows us to approach each week with a purpose.
What is a Family Business Meeting?
It’s a consistent time once a week when a family comes together to discuss the things that are important to them.
Family meeting will help you:
Solve problems. When we come together and talk about the issues we face, we are able to work together and find a solution.
Reduce stress. Stress, especially in children, can be created from uncertainty. Letting family members know what they can expect in the upcoming week, month, or season provides security, even if things don’t go as planned.
Build family togetherness. When family members have a consistent place for them to check in with one another, give and receive suggestions, and actively engage with one another they learn they are a part of something bigger than themselves.
Reinforce family culture and values. These meetings are an opportunity to revisit your mission statement and see if your schedule and decisions reflect your values.
Teach vital life skills. At a young age, your children will learn how to run a meeting, resolve conflicts, plan, and communicate effectively, both as you model it and them begin to do it themselves.
Much like the family retreat, you can begin holding these meetings when kids are old enough to sit for a short time and answer questions like, “Who do you want to have a playdate with?” “What do you want for dinner this week?” “What should we do when grandma and grandpa come over this weekend?”
When your kids are young, it is more about developing a rhythm of connection and communication as a family than the topics you discuss.
The length and topics of your meetings will change as your kids become capable of more in-depth discussion. Eventually, they can get involved. They can facilitate portions of the meeting and eventually direct your entire time together.
Tips for having a family business meeting:
Take the lead. Eventually, your kids can rotate into that role.
Be consistent. We recommend having a meeting once a week.
Schedule it. It is vital to put it on the calendar because it unlikely that you “find time” to do it.
Plan. Have an agenda or outline to keep your conversations on track. (Our Family Meeting Packet can help you with that.)
I encourage you to be flexible with these meetings. They’ll rarely be perfect. However, the more you do them, the more comfortable you all will get. Be patient with yourselves and others as you improve your communication.
No matter what your family meeting looks, they will reinforce your family culture, and keep you connected and informed as you live your values.
Interested in holding regular Family Meetings?
Save time in the planning by downloading our FREE Family Meeting Packet.
It includes:
Sample Agendas that you can use or mix and match to create your own.
Additional discussion topics
Meeting Agenda Suggestion Form for your family members to fill out in the days leading up to each meeting.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
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How a Family Retreat will Benefit Your Family
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs.
This same type of review can be used in families to connect with one another and assess where you are individually and as a family.
Do you know how your family is really doing?
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs. Also, many organizations utilize the 360 peer review which is an assessment of interpersonal skills from an employee’s peers.
A few years back we decided to harness the power of these types of reviews in the workplace and see what they could do for our family. Since starting it three years ago, we have seen a tremendous amount of growth. We hold these “annual reviews” each year during our family retreat.
It’s a great way to get feedback that helps us grow as a family.
We asked our questions like:
What’s the one thing you like most about being apart of our family?
What’s the one thing you like least?
When do you feel the most loved?
What’s one thing Mom and Dad can do better?
The answers we received equipped us to parent with purpose.
Our family retreat consists of two to three days of connecting with another. We play games, mini-golf, and go swimming together, but we also have conversations that assess where we are individually and as a family. We use worksheets that were inspired by 360 peer reviews commonly used by organizations.
The benefits of having these retreats are:
It Increases Self-Awareness - When you receive feedback from multiple sources, you get a full view of yourself, one that is not one-sided and biased. This information gives us a sense of how others perceive us and how our behavior impacts those around us. This is vital for both parents and kids.
It Provides A Full Perspective of Strengths and Weaknesses - Our retreat worksheet touches on how we get along, are we courteous? Honest? Everyone gets to give their opinions, not just the parents, which produces a multi-dimensional perspective. We have a chance to cheer each other on and make suggestions on how they can improve.
It Builds Confidence and Boosts Morale - Dedicated time to give honest feedback allows family members to feel heard and as a result, they believe that what they say matters. This cultivates an atmosphere of openness. They can feel assured about how they can move towards their family values.
It Empowers Us. - As parents, we gain greater insight and understanding into our kids and can then come up with creative ways to parent them. Even siblings gain insight into who they each are and how they can interact with one another.
It Increases Accountability - As we have these discussions, we acquire language around behaviors and the expectations we have. This allows us to hold one another accountable to our values as well as encourage each other in our growth.
Fosters continuous improvement - Busyness can prevent growth. Annual retreats and mid-year check-ins remind us over and over again of who we are becoming and address the areas of our life that need attention.
To read more about our family’s first retreat check out my post Harnessing the Power of Peer Reviews for Your Next Family Retreat.
We started having our family retreats when our kids were 8,10, and 12, but I believe you can host them your kids are younger than ours were. You can start when your child old is able to have a conversation and give their opinion on things such as when do they feel most loved, what they like most about your family, and what they like least you can begin to do this.
The Family Retreat Packet we’ve created contains worksheets for kids 3rd grade and beyond, but you can customize your discussions for younger children. The packet also includes sample itineraries and activity that will save you time planning.
Here are a few suggestions we have:
Get Away - It is easier to focus on your activities and discussions when you are not at home.
Alternate family building discussions with activities and special treats.
Keep discussions to 25/30 minutes. Also, be mindful of the pace of our conversations. You may need to slow it down or speed it up if needed.
Research restaurants and activities in the area ahead of time.
Create a schedule and stick to it.
We were surprised excited, and cooperative our kids were at our fun, yet meaningful family retreat. They enjoyed spending time together and sharing what they were thinking and feeling with us. Year after year we continue to marvel at how articulate and open we all become during the discussions.
Full disclosure: It’s never perfect, but we do our best to be patient with the process.
Are you interested in hosting your own retreat?
We’ve taken the guesswork out planning yours by creating the Family Retreat Packet. It’s guaranteed to save you time!
Our Family Retreat Packet includes:
Sample Itinerary
Packing List
Activity Suggestions
Discussions Worksheets
and much more!
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
How Words Shape Your Family Culture
The contributing factors in a culture are vision, values and beliefs, and practices which include language. That’s why words matter when it comes to building your family culture They inform the way we think and interact with the world plus foster a sense of unity and membership.
In my last few blog posts I have been writing about practices. I’ve talked about both value practices and culture practices.
Practices, the things your family does and says in the everyday, are behaviors that convert ideas to actions to create and maintain culture.
These practices fall into two categories:
Internal – What takes place within your family.
External – How your family interacts with outsiders.
Let’s take a moment to compare practice within organizations and families.
In an organization, practices include, job titles, how work is organized, recruitment, training and development; performance management; internal communications; and technology. The external practices include how you relate to customers, suppliers, and vendors plus the products and services that you offer.
Practices within a family include the routines and rhythms of your home. How you will operate in any given day or situation. How you will use technology. How you will relate to one another which includes the language we use.
Words matter in the culture building process.
We know from the Bible that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21). Words have the ability to produce positive or negative consequences (v. 20). They have the power to give life through encouragement and honesty or to crush and kill through lies and gossip.
Both the language you choose to use and choose not to use impacts your family culture. <<Click to Tweet
Language informs the way we think and interact with the world. When you say something over and over again you will eventually believe it and your actions will follow. This includes daily sentiments, conversations and values you share with your spouse and children. Not only that but, what we say, to a considerable degree, determines what others think, and what therefore act.
An example of this is Horst Schulze of Ritz-Carlton, shaped his employee’s decorum and conduct with the phrase “We’re ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.” And Rudy Giuliani, when he was working to build a better New York, said that “People created the problem so people can fix it,”.
The level of service is elevated at the Ritz-Carlton because it’s employees are reminded regularly that just because they have service jobs does not mean that they are less than the people they serve. In New York people were empowered because of simple words that reassured them they could fix the problems they were facing.
These phrases weren’t said just once or twice but over and over again.
Language also fosters a sense of unity and membership. We see this in business and in organizations as growing numbers of people are working remotely. A company's unique dialect, acronyms, jargon, slang, inside jokes, and abbreviations in their communication that creates community and builds culture not proximity.
Sometimes when my husband comes home from work and tell me about his day I feel like he is speaking a different language simple because I am not in the finance field. He using acronyms for programs they use and reports they run that I can’t quite remember even after all these years. When he talks with colleagues they get it, no explanations needed.
On the other hand my kids know exactly what I mean when I refer to “the rules” because together we read The Essential 55 by Ron Clark, which covers basic everyday etiquette rules we are practicing. When I ask the kids if they want to snuggle in the evening they know it means, “Do you want to come into my room and read a book together before bed?” Also, obscure references to Dr. Who are like an inside joke to us because we binge watched the first 8 seasons of the show together. Certain words and phrases connect us.
Here are some examples of words that shape people in the workplace, in family, and personally:
Business:
I read about one company that doesn’t allow their employees to say “I’m sorry”. They felt that skipping over sorries forced them to seek solutions faster. Rather than apologizing for being late with a report or miscommunicating a client request, they would go straight to, “How can I fix this?”. This kind of language turned problems into progress. Over time this language fostered critical thinking, problem-solving, and ownership of our work.
Family:
We’ve mentioned this example before: When our family hosts a connect group As we talk about, plan and prepare for the evening, we say, “we host” vs. “Mommy and Daddy hosts.”
We are also ridding our home of the following:
“I deserve ____________.” “That’s dumb! I wouldn’t have done that.”
We are also working on avoiding “Why?” questions. “Why” questions put a person on the defensive and encourage intimidating analytical thinking.
Personal:
Jess Lively, a popular podcaster, says she is careful not to “should” all over herself. Should creates an expectation that implies punishment or that she should feel bad about herself if she doesn't do it. Expressions like, “I should go for a run, or I should eat a salad.” are better said as, “I have a choice to go for a run”, or “I want to eat a salad”. It’s a subtle shift that eliminates guilt and disapproval for ourselves. You can find that episode here.
You can begin to figure out what word you want you use in your home with these simple questions.
Reflect on your childhood, what are the expressions that made you feel bad? What are the expressions that encouraged you and brought you to life?
Write down the legacy phrases that float through your family. Are they healthy? Do they need erasing?
Write down the various phrases and expressions you use regularly. Look them over, and ask yourself what feelings do they invoke? What behaviors do you think your family members will take on when they hear them?
Communication is a skill and like most things it take practice to do it well.
The language you use will most certainly change due to trial and error. Carl and I are still working what language is acceptable and what is not. The more we learn about the power of words and hear what does and doesn’t work for others the easier it will be to refine our the words we will and will not use.
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Incorporating Your Passions into Your Everyday
When I first started working with my life coach I thought I was way too busy to pursue the things that were important to me. I had a long list of reason why I wasn’t writing more, connecting with my husband regularly, or deepening my friendships.
I assumed I had a time issue. But what I really had was a priority issue. I said over and over that these things mattered to me however they weren’t showing up in my schedule.
We are all passionate about something, but few of us can say that those passions are a part of our lives. Long work hours, a new addition to the family, or busyness may cause us to feel like it’s impossible to follow our passions. However, with careful thought and intention, you can incorporate them into your life.
When I first started working with my life coach, I thought I was way too busy to pursue the things that were important to me. I had a long list of reasons why I wasn’t writing more, connecting with my husband regularly, or deepening my friendships. I assumed I had a time issue. But what I had was a priority issue.
I said over and over that these things mattered to me; however, they weren’t showing up in my schedule.
When I made a list of my non-negotiables, my values, what I was passionate about, and the things I wanted my family to be known for, I had a clear picture of how I wanted to use my time. These things became appointments in my day, not just for when it was easy, or when I had extra time or money. It took a bit of practice, but eventually, I started to live the life I wanted.
It's possible to change your life and the life of your family through small, consistent steps over time; steps the take you in the direction of the family we were meant to be. << Click to Tweet
3 Examples
When I first started to take back control of my time, I wanted to connect more with my kids, and reading seemed like the best way to do that. However, when my kids got older, our bedtime routine changed. We no longer read board books together before I tucked them in. Hoping it would happen organically didn't work. The solution was to put it on my schedule. So I:
Pick one book with each kid.
Chose one night a week to read with a child.
Put it on my calendar and stick to it, even if I have to move things around to make it work
Carl and I are passionate about having people in our home. We want to be the place where family members, neighbors, and especially our kids and their friends want to be. A place where they would come and feel nourished - spirit, soul, and body. This type of atmosphere built with intention. We decided to do that we would:
Say yes when our kids ask to have friends over.
Budget money for extra food playdates.
Purchase outdoor and indoor games that would provide hours of fun, such as a badminton set, Foosball table, Rummikub, and Uno
Keep a tidy house, always ready for impromptu get-togethers.
My husband and I are also passionate about travel and exposing our kids to experiences that would allow them to learn in creative ways. To make that a reality in our life, we had to:
Decide what travel looks like for us in this season. Maybe it’s one big vacation and two long weekends a year, with a few day trips sprinkled in between.
Budget money so that we could take the trips we wanted. Also, be creative with where we stay, how we get there, and what we do so that we can afford it.
Say no to things that would prevent us from saving money for those trips.
Plan ahead. Be proactive instead of reactive, not waiting until we are exhausted and need a break to get away.
Just like you can turn your values into practices, you can turn your passions into practice too!
Here’s how:
1. Create a list of the things you are passionate about. If you need some help discovering what those things are, READ THIS or download The Family Culture Discussion sheet.
2. Envision what your life would look like if you were following your passions and living your best life.
3. Brainstorm about what that means practically for your family. What might you have to say no to say yes to what matters to you? What are the small steps you can take to follow your passions? Where can you schedule your non-negotiables?
Making what matters to you most a part of your life takes practice. Old habits need to be broken, and new ones made. I have found keeping a list of my non-negotiables, my values, my passions, and what I want my family to be known handy so I can check it often when making plans for my week, month, and year.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
What Are You Passionate About?
Passions allow you be the best person you can be. That’s because people who know what they are passionate about and actively make those things apart of their lives are fulfilled and connected with their work, family, and life in general. If you haven’t taken the time to figure out what you are passionate about, here’s how you can!
Knowing your core values and passions is crucial to living a life of purpose with your family. << Click to Tweet
As I had mentioned before when my husband and I sat down to write out mission statement the first things we discussed was our values and passions. Both of us identified them individually and then came together to decide which ones we would embrace as a couple and a family.
I admit that it wasn’t easy for me to come up with a list of things I was passionate about. The responsibilities of work and taking care of a family replaced what I loved as a child and even a young adult. I had a few ideas in mind but was hesitant to write them down because I was scared to compare the life I was living the life I wanted.
But change starts with awareness. If I wanted to live with intention, for myself and my family, it was crucial that I explore the desires and passions that were inside me.
Your values and passions are part of what makes you and your family unique. << Click to Tweet
So what are passions?
Passions are what sparks your interest; they are the things that fire up your emotions.
When you are passionate about something you could talk about it for hours, or you lose track of time when participating in it.
Passions can push you through difficulty because it’s what you love.
Unlike values, passions are not always acted upon, but they are something that you are highly motivated to pursue them.
Passions allow you be the best person you can be. That’s because people who know what they are passionate about and actively make those things apart of their lives are fulfilled and connected with their work, family, and life in general.
In the context of family culture, we’ve found that passions do one of 3 things:
They inform your values. When Carl and I listed out passions I wrote: Manage money well and teach our kids to manage money well, follow God’s plan for stewardship. Carl wrote: Being diligent with finances and spending wisely. Our passions were similar so we felt strongly that our values should reflect this. So we chose generosity as one of our family’s top 5 values.
They express your values. One of our values is Creativity. We love games. However, we don’t just play them; we create new ones. Many times we design them to celebrate holidays, milestones, and the people we love. We bring creativity to our passion for connecting with other games.
They inform your cultural practices, the things we do together. Our family is passionate about food. So as a family we invite others to cook with us. We host cooking club and play dates which revolve around food. When we travel we visit Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, and try new foods and restaurants that are specific to the area we are visiting. Those who know us well know that we can talk about food for hours.
Creating a list of passions did more than help us craft our mission statement. It gave us a sense of purpose and pointed us in the direction our family would go.
The work of family culture building includes creating alignment between your values and passions.
There may be seasons of participation for your passions. You may want to live and breathe passions, but obstacles can get in the way. For example, you may be passionate about running, but you have an injury that doesn’t allow you to participate for a particular time. Or maybe it’s long work hours, a new addition to the family or too many responsibilities with too little time prevents you from your passions. For many, it may be not taking the time to discover what they are passionate about, or just not making room in their life in their life.
If you haven’t taken the time to figure out what you are passionate about, here’s how you can:
First, forget the word “passion.” Then, ask yourself the following questions:
What are you curious about?
What makes your heart sing?
What could you talk about for hours?
What makes you lose track of time?
What would you do if money was no object?
Still stumped? Here are a few the practical things you can do to find your passion:
Take assessments
Get additional training
Hire a coach
Read books
Do research
Engage in activities you find interesting and valuable.
While you're doing these things, actively look for clues to your life passion.
Once we identified and discussed what we were passionate about, became excited about the things we wanted to share with our kids. We caught a glimpse of what our family could become, which looked far better than survival mode.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
How You Can Embrace God’s Unique Mission for your Family
Have you ever thought, “Why doesn't my family look like hers?” Do you admire her house, her car, her incredibly talented children, or her husband’s high profile job? Are you tempted to wonder, “If I’d made different choices, would my life be better?”
It’s easy to look at the people we know and assume they have it all together. Or to envy another family’s path. But God has a unique purpose and mission for our family.
I am over at More to Be talking about how you can let go of discontent and regret and embrace God's unique mission for your family. Join me there to READ MORE!
Have you ever thought, “Why doesn't my family look like hers?” Do you admire her house, her car, her incredibly talented children, or her husband’s high profile job? Are you tempted to wonder, “If I’d made different choices, would my life be better?”
It’s easy to look at the people we know and assume they have it all together. Or to envy another family’s path. But God has a unique purpose and mission for our family.
I am over at More to Be talking about how you can let go of discontent and regret and embrace God's unique mission for your family. Join me there to READ MORE!
The Benefit of Creating a Values Driven Culture
Everyone values something. Once you have identified what it is that you value you are better able to make it show up in your life, you gain clarity, which allows you to be successful in what matters the most to you.
Everyone values something. Once you have identified what it is that you value you are better able to make it show up in your life, you gain clarity, which allows you to be successful in what matters the most to you.
As a busy mom, I love the potential this has. I make decisions all the time and because I am the primary caregiver here at home, many of those decisions I make on my own. I can do it with confidence because the values my husband and I have established have created a framework for our family’s culture.
Being confident in our values eliminates time, stress, and guesswork that would otherwise slow me down and cause me to get stuck. << CLICK TO TWEET
There was a time when I used to volunteer for everything. My kids were little, and since I was a stay-at-home mom, I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Eventually, I put boundaries in place began to do less. But then a friend of mine asked if I was interested in being the committee chair for the TREP$ Entrepreneurship Education Program at my children’s school. My daughter had already participated in the program the year before and loved it. I immediately said, “YES!”
Biblical financial stewardship is one of our family’s core values, so being a part of this program was a value fit for us. We’ve been talking to our kids about money management principles such as Give - Save - Spend since they were four years old. Over the years they’ve earned money by doing extra chores around the house and selling lemonade. They’ve learned to manage a budget and be responsible consumers.
You can more read about it HERE, or you can listen to this The Family Culture Project Episode 7 for the full story.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
My husband is the Marketplace Coordinator and handles all the details of the program’s main event. When my kids were young, they participated in the program, and now that they are older, they help teach class plus help with the setup and clean up of the Marketplace.
The program takes a lot of time and energy, but it’s worth the sacrifice because we know we are apart of something that matters to us as a family and the community. There is a purpose in it, and over time it has become what our family is known for.
In addition to having confidence in my YESes, knowing my values give me confidence in my NOs.<< CLICK TO TWEET
I no longer feel guilty about not volunteering for bake sales or book fairs. These are great ways to get involved in my kid’s school, but they are just not for me. They would stress me out and take me away from the projects I am passionate about.
Business or organizations typically have tangible goals like sales numbers, units sold, people impacted to measure success. We don’t have those types of goals as a family, however, If I can look at my calendar and see my values align with my activities I know I am living my best life. And by that I mean, I have confidence in what I am doing. I don’t compare myself to others and wonder about my purpose.
Want to identify your values and start cultivating your family's culture?
I have created a Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process of determining your values. You can download it for free HERE.
To determine if your values are driving your life ask yourself these questions:
What do my actions say my values are?
Looks at your calendar, are the appointments and activities align with your values?
How am I spending my time, money, energy?
What are you passionate about?
What do you love to do that you are not doing?
What do you want to be known for?
Family values give you a sense of purpose. In times of stress, crises, or transition they automatically guide you. The better you know yourself and what you believe, the more confidence you’ll have in decision making. You’ll be better able weather the hard times and navigate struggle.
Knowing your values will ultimately provide clarity and success for your family.
The Benefits of a Clearly Defined Culture
Procrastination, lack of team spirit, and decreased engagement are all signs of a negative culture both in organizations and families. This develops when the culture is not built intentionally but instead produced by default, without a vision and a plan. However, a strong defined culture energizes its members, keeps them engaged, gives them a sense of belonging, and helps them make decisions.
Procrastination, lack of team spirit, and decreased engagement are all signs of a negative culture both in organizations and families. This develops when the culture is not built intentionally but instead produced by default, without a vision and a plan.
In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins says that in the workplace people want:
To be a part of a winning team
Contribute to visible, tangible results
Feel the excitement of being a part of something outstanding, something that works.
This applies to families too!
A strong defined culture energizes its members, keeps them engaged, gives them a sense of belonging, and helps them make decisions. << CLICK TO TWEET
Energizes
It’s a pleasure to show up for things you can count on and enjoy.
Playing games came naturally to our family because it was something Carl and I enjoyed growing up. Once my husband and I identified it as something we wanted to pass to our children we got excited about it. Our excitement was contagious, and it didn’t take long before our kids got in on the fun by playing them, creating them, and bringing them to friend’s houses. This past Christmas, my kids, facilitated the party games we planned so that I could cook for our guests.
Engages
When members of an organization or family know what to expect, they can take ownership of the part they play.
In our family, there are certain things our kids do not have to wonder whether or not we will do. We will go to church on Sunday. We will support one another by attending their sporting event, music concert, or awards ceremony. We will work together to clean up around the house, especially after dinner. And if someone is not home we cover their chores for them. Plus, knowing this eliminates most of the grumbling and complaining.
Belonging
When people work together, they view themselves as a team rather than individuals. They understand that what they contribute matters.
Our family hosts a connect group for our church. When we talk about, plan and prepare for that evening, we say, “we host” vs. “Mommy and Daddy hosts.” We all help out with set up and clean up as well as greeting and engaging with our guests.
As a family, we also volunteer with the Treps Entrepreneurship program at my son’s school. It’s something we love to do together, and it’s what we’ve become known for within our community.
Decision Making
We will not always be around to help our children make choices. A list of dos and don’ts will only take them so far. When rooted in our values, culture guide our decisions.
Our family practices hospitality regularly. When presented with the opportunity, our oldest daughter volunteered to host her field hockey team’s freshman lunch. Because we consistently welcome friends, family, and neighbors into our home, she knew that this was a perfect way for her to volunteer. She didn’t have to check with me to make sure it was okay; she had confidence that this would be a fit for our family.
Much like a company and its employees, children do not create the family culture. However, they can have a role in shaping the future of the family through age-appropriate conversations.
Our kids were 6, 8, and 10 when we first talked to them about what we wanted to be known for as a family. We started by asking them when they knew about Chipotle (good food, fresh ingredients) and Michael’s (crafts). We shifted the conversation to families we know. Our neighbor across the street always has the best snacks, while the siblings they play with across town often bicker and fight. Our kids immediately made the connection with the examples we used.
You can also ask your children their favorite and least favorite things about your family. Their answers may surprise you. This may be the encouragement you need to stay the course or make some changes in you every day.
Family culture creation begins when you determine the values, beliefs, and customs or traditions you want to share with one another. << CLICK TO TWEET
Start the conversation about your family culture now! Download this free Family Culture Discussion Sheet.
It includes questions that will allow you to explore who you are as a family and challenge you to dream about what you could be together.
You don’t have to have this all figured out in one conversation. Your culture will be refined over time as you discuss, discover, and try new things together. You may find that you love the idea of something more than actually you like doing it. That’s okay because it is just part of the process.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Creating a Culture of Creativity in Your Home
With thought and careful planning, we can create a culture in our homes where creativity can thrive.
Occasionally being creative is not enough to make it a part of our family culture. It must consistently show up in everything we do. This principle applies to your family values, no matter what they are.
Join me over at Faith Gateway where I am sharing some ways we make creativity a part of your life...
When my husband and I set out to write a family mission statement, the first thing we did was write down our values and passions. Our goal was to choose the top 5-7 ideals to represent who we were and incorporate them into our family culture. After much discussion, we settled on faith, integrity, generosity, excellence, love, legacy, and creativity.
Occasionally being creative is not enough to make it a part of our family culture. It must consistently show up in everything we do. This principle applies to your family values, no matter what they are.
Join me over at Faith Gateway where I am sharing some ways we make creativity a part of your life...
How to Improve Your Present Culture by Examining Your Past
Some of the things we do as a family is very similar to way I did them growing up. Just as my parents passed culture to me, I now passing them onto my children. By examining your past you can determine what traditions and custom you want to bring forward and which ones you want to leave behind. You can also mix and match your family practices or create brand new ones.
When I first got married, the way I went about my day, solved problems, and addressed conflict was in direct relation to what I experienced growing up. Just as my parents passed culture to me, I was passing it onto my family.
I was operating in a default culture. I was doing many things because “That’s just the way I’ve always done it.”, There wasn’t necessarily a problem with WHAT I was doing with my now family, but WHY I was doing it that way.
Culture is the norms, values, beliefs, and customs of people that are passed down from generation to generation, often without us even realizing it.
To design and build a unique culture for our family, my husband and I had to examine our past. It was vital to determine what we wanted to bring into the future and what we wanted to leave behind.
My husband played outside with his friends every day after school, and his mom would have home a cooked meal waiting for him when it was time to come inside. Then he and his brother were expected to do chores when they were done eating. They went to church on all the major holidays as did many of their extended family.
Growing up, my brother and I played outside and did chores too. My family took frequent road trips, were involved in our local baseball community, and played card games together. We were very active in our church community and went to attended services every Sunday.
Many of the experiences Carl and I had that were similar were an obvious fit for our children and us. Without much effort, our new family resembled the ones we grew up in. However, the areas that were different warranted a discussion. What were that customs and traditions that didn’t come naturally to us to both of us that we wanted to show in up our lives?
You have the power to design and build your unique family culture! << CLICK TO TWEET
When you take a look at your past you:
Recognize the default culture that is at work in your life. You will be able to celebrate the good things that you’ve experienced but also identify the negative things that can be let go of.
Avoid assumptions and therefore avoid conflict. For example, I thought Carl would do things just like my dad. I assumed he’d be home for dinner every night, work in the yard on the weekends, and plan family vacations. He wasn’t anything like my dad nor was our family life like mine growing up. If I continued to have unrealistic expectations, I would become angry and eventually bitter.
Set yourself up for success. Once you have recognized what you want to bring forward and what you want to leave behind you can create an environment that facilitates those traditions and customs.
By examining your past, you can break away from the comfortable and easy to forge new paths for your family. << CLICK TO TWEET
To get started set aside dedicated time. It is unlikely that you will just ‘find time’ or get around to it when you have nothing else to. Make this a priority!
Ask yourself questions like:
Where did you spend most of your time as a child? At home? At a Friends? Why?
What are some of your favorite memories and traditions growing up?
What could you always count on as a child?
What were you missing as a child or young adult?
This process may be painful for you. What’s important is not to camp out here and hang on to regret. Much like in assessing your present, this process is about discovering what you have to work with and creating a successful plan for the future.
After this discussion, you will be able to determine what traditions and custom you want to bring forward and which ones you want to leave behind. You can also mix and match your family practices or create brand new ones.
I have created the Family Culture Discussion Sheet that covers the questions I mentioned above plus a handful more that are designed to propel you into the future. DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Why You Should Assess Where Your Family Culture is Now
In order to successful move forward in the family culture building process it's important to know where you are starting from. Here are some steps that you can take to assess where your family is so you can easily move to where you want your family to be.
Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of life, including family culture!
As I mentioned in a previous post, there was a time when our busy schedule created a culture of survival in our family. We’d often say to one another, “Let’s just get through this week.” After we got through one week, there was still another that wasn’t much different from the one before. One week turned into a month; a month turned into a year. Frantic was no longer the exception, it was our norm.
At the time I was volunteering for everything, because as a stay at home mom, I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. We lacked community and were scattered in different directions, doing our own thing.
To make a change we had to be honest with ourselves about where we were and how we felt about the life we were living. At first this step made me uncomfortable. I already knew we needed a change. I wanted a quick fix, and I didn’t want this to slow us down.
But, at the end of asking ourselves the hard question, “How are we really doing?, we discovered common threads in our choices. We were thrilled with the areas of our life we built with intention and unhappy in the places where ‘no decision’ became the decision, and where “let’s see what happens” guided us.
In order to successfully move forward in the family culture building process, it's important to know where you are starting from. << Tweet This!
Keep in mind; you don't have to be failing miserably in any one area for this to be worth doing. The assessment stage simply reveals if you’ll need to take significant steps to get you where you want to be, or if you just need to make a few tweaks.
If you are married, it is ideal to do this activity with your spouse. However, I know that’s not always possible. I want to encourage you to do this work anyway. Whether you are a single parent or have a partner that’s not on board with this, you can still have a significant impact on your family through small intentional steps that are anchored in what matters to you.
Here are the steps that you can take:
Pray – Invite God into the process.
Assess - Give each of the areas of your family life a rating between 1 and 10, along with a few thoughts on why you chose that number.
Categories are:
– Community/Friendships
– Family Relationships (spouse, immediate family, and extended family)
– Spiritual + Personal Growth
– Recreation
1 means you are not satisfied in this area and want to see radical change. 10 indicates you are happy with where you are and can’t imagine things being any different.
Feel free to create additional categories!
Write down your answers. - I highly recommend this. In my experience, this really allows me to think deeply and explore what comes to mind. Plus it serves as a reference when you start building and implementing culture. I also love that you can look back at what you’ve written to remind yourself how far you’ve come.
You can do this activity on any piece of paper; however, I have created a handy guide to walk you through the process. You can download it for free in the show notes of episode 03 of The Family Culture Project.
Sit with your answers. - Don’t try to explain them away or change them immediately. Consider the circumstances or choices that got you where you are. And absolutely, don’t get stuck in the negative, be mindful of the good in each area!!
Your next steps will be easier to decide after you’ve done this.
Once my husband and I examined and shared where we were in each area, we were better equipped to talk about what we wanted for our family, which ultimately set us up for success in the culture building process. Doing it as a couple, helped us to know and understand each other’s perspective better.
How is your family doing? You can leave your response in the comment or email me. I am here to cheer you on.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of your life. Your Family’s Culture is no different! In order to successfully leap forward in the family culture building process it’s best to know where you are starting from.
Need help with the assessment process? There is an incredible resource in the show notes you don't want to miss!
How What We Allow in our Home Affects our Family Culture
I received an email from my son's teacher recently. It was about his unkind behavior towards a friend. At first I was tempted to defend him and make excuses. But ultimately I realized I needed to examine our family's culture to see what I was allowing at home.
Join me over at Faith Gateway to read the full story.
I received an email from my son's teacher recently. It was about his unkind behavior towards a friend. At first I was tempted to defend him and make excuses. But ultimately I realized I needed to examine our family's culture to see what I was allowing at home.
Join me over at Faith Gateway to read the full story...
Welcome to The Family Culture Project!
Together with my husband Carl, I will be bringing you weekly podcasts that empower you to create a thriving family culture. We’ve created this podcast because we believe you don’t have to feel hopeless looking at the path your family is on. With thought and deliberate steps, you can create a culture in your home that reflects your family's values and beliefs.
Together with my husband Carl, I will be bringing you weekly podcasts that empower you to create a thriving family culture.
When my husband and I first got married, we had so many ideas of what family life would be like. We wanted a welcoming home with an open-door policy, a family that loves and serves God together, a simple life that prioritized relationships.
However, after moving to the burbs, having a few kids, and investing into our careers, we discovered that the values, beliefs, and expectations we had for our family had gotten lost in the shuffle of our modern-day life.
We found ourselves in the rut of just surviving, barely getting through the week. We packed our schedules with school activities, sports, church, and volunteer commitments. These were all good things. However, we felt like we didn’t have control over the direction our family was going.
We realized it was time to change the trajectory of our family.
In an effort to bridge the the gap between the life we were living and and the life we’d hoped for, my husband and I set out to create a mission statement. It was harder than we thought it’d be. After a few failed attempts, I began to research how successful companies created theirs.
That’s when I discovered the power of culture and the part it plays in a thriving organization.
Along the way, I realized that the very same principles that cause an organization’s culture to flourish and business to succeed can help my family thrive.
We’ve created this podcast because we believe you don’t have to feel hopeless looking at the path your family is on. With thought and deliberate steps, you can create a culture in your home that reflects your family's values and beliefs.
As a result, you’ll be able to lead with purpose and passion and create unity within your family. When it comes time for your children to leave your home, they will have a foundation of confidence and purpose that will equip them to follow their personal mission and embrace who God has created them to be.
Don't miss an episode!
We want to let you know up front; we don’t have all the answers. However, we’ve both experienced intentional culture and default culture in business, ministry, and family. We’ve studied what makes some organizations succeed and others fail. Since we are smack dab in the middle of raising our own kids, we’ll be learning with you along the way as we speak with experts, leaders, and everyday people who are intentionally building cultures that thrive.
We can’t guarantee that as parents you’ll make all the right choices, or that your kids will never make mistakes. We can, however, promise you that if you do the work to establish your values and beliefs, translate them into behaviors that can be repeated and measured you will have a culture in your home that will anchor your family to what matters to the most.
I hope you’ll join us when we launch the show on Tuesday, January 16th.
To make sure that you’re with us for that very first episode subscribe to us in iTunes or in your favorite podcast app now. Until then, you can hear our story and learn more about the show at thefamilycultureproject.com. While you are there you can sign up for our newsletter which will include show notes, resources, and bonus content.
What are Family Values and Why are The Important?
As a couple, your shared values are a central part of who you are and what you envision your family to be. If culture is the underlying personality or your organization or family, the essence of how people interact and work, then your values are the why of how you live and what you do.
Knowing what you want your family to be known for is an important part of creating a thriving family culture. Another critical component is determining your values and living according to them. Much like culture, your values exist and are in operation in your life even if you haven’t taken the time to identify them.
When my husband and I first sat down to write out mission statement one of the first things we discussed was our values and passions. We identified which ones were important to us individually and then came together to decide which ones we would embrace together as a couple and a family. It was the first step to creating a sense of purpose for our lives and the lives of our children.
So, what are values?
If culture is the underlying personality or your organization or family, the essence of how people interact and work, then your values are the why of how you live and what you do.
As a couple, your shared values are a central part of who you are and what you envision your family to be.
Are few common core values are:
Cooperation
Faithfulness
Hard Work
Independence
Artistic Expression
Efficiency
Integrity
It doesn’t matter what your values are, but that you have identified them applied them to your life. In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins says that “In examining companies who have achieved success both in profitability and culture, what mattered most was knowing exactly what their values are, building them explicitly into the organization, and preserving them over time.”
Why are values important?
Family values are the things that you believe are important in the way you work and live. << Click to Tweet
Your values will drive your behavior. For example, if you say that you value integrity it should show up in every area of your life. You’ll exercise that principle in everything you do, at work, at school, and in your relationships. If you are only faithful and honest when it is easy, then you don’t value integrity. No matter where you are, at work, home, school, in relationships, and on the sports field, these values are present.
Family values matter to children too!
As kids get older and increasingly independent, we won’t always be around to guide them in the choices they make. We can’t possibly prepare them for every scenario they come up against. So a list of do’s and don’t will fall short but an understanding of personal and family values will better equip them. They will be able to reach back to a family principle to make an informed and intelligent choice.
When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life will be good. You have a sense of peace, are more fulfilled, and feel in control. That doesn’t mean that your circumstances are perfect. However, there is an undercurrent of satisfaction and contentment. The reciprocal is also true. When the life you’re living doesn’t align with your personal values, the surrounding culture, fads, and the opinions of others will influence your behavior. Things will feel off.
Also, when you do the work of knowing what you believe, when questioned, you’ll know what you stand for and why.
Why you should identify your values:
Knowing your values and intentionally honoring them in your life will give you a sense of purpose.
In times of stress, crises, or transition you'll know how to respond, you won’t have to think. Your values will automatically guide you.
The better you know yourself and what you believe, the more you will be able to espouse that value. When you consider your values in decision-making, you can be sure to approach decisions with confidence and clarity.
A sense of purpose, rooted in your values, allows you to weather the hard times and navigate struggle.
Check out my post on How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life to download the free Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process I mentioned below.
Here are some simple steps you can take to identify the core values that will drive your family culture:
Pray Together Whether you are doing this exercise alone or with a spouse, the best place to start is prayer. God know us better than we know ourselves because he created us. Ask Him for guidance and to show you what you need to know for this process.
Answer the following questions individually: When are you most fulfilled and satisfied? When you're having your best day what characteristics are present in you? What are you passionate about?
For greater perspective, ask others what they think you value. Many times friends and family can see patterns in our life we haven’t noticed. Be open to their responses; they may be both affirming and challenging.
If you do this with your spouse, combine or condense the recurring themes and complementary ideas. There will be outliers on your list. Decide whether those ideas, personal to you or your spouse, are ones you can support and promote in your family. If so, talk about how they fit into the big picture.
With the information you have collected, identify the 5 to 7 values that are the most important to you together. A quick search on Google can help you find a list similar to the one I used. Select as many as you’d like. Remember, all of the values listed are good. However, it’s important to identify the ones that are most important to you. If you are having trouble, rate each value on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being the highest. If you have two values that have the same rank, ask yourself, "If I could satisfy only one of these, which one would I choose?"
The list you end up with is your Core Values.
Once you have identified and articulated your values, you and your family will be able to move forward with confidence and become all that God created you to be.
Your personal values may change over time if the season of your family changes or you experience significant personal growth. This is why you should regularly revisit this process periodically, especially if you start to feel unbalanced and can't quite figure out why.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Who's Creating Your Family Culture?
A culture shaped by default tends to be mediocre because people, especially children tend to take the path of least resistance. To create a successful culture in our home, as the parents, we’ll need to decide what it that we want our family to look like and consistently work hard to maintain it.
Every family has a particular way they work together to solve problems, achieve goals, and connect with one another. Just like business culture, family culture is created by default, subject to the whims of its members, or through intentionality.
There was a time when our busy schedule created a culture of survival in our family. We would often say to one another, “Let’s just get through this week.” The culture of our home was frantic; we were always running late, always feeling restless. After we got through one week, there was still another to follow that wasn’t much different from the one before.
We wanted so much to live well but were stuck. We let our busyness dictate to us what kind of family we were. Our life looked like good ideas with no follow through and a full calendar of doing the right things but without fulfillment or connection with one another.
A thriving family culture does not happen organically, it will not create itself. << Click to Tweet
A culture shaped by default tends to be mediocre because people, especially children tend to take the path of least resistance. To create a successful culture in our home, as the parents, we’ll need to decide what it that we want our family to look like and consistently work hard to maintain it.
When you intentionally create culture you set your people up for the highest probability of success. You give them a better chance to perform at higher levels.
Instead of having a vague sense of purpose, children in a family with a healthy, well thought out culture have a strong sense of belonging. They also have the excitement of being a part of something bigger than themselves.
We’ve often heard the comment “Well, it is what it is. There is not much I can do to change things.” This statement is not true. As parents, we have an incredible amount of influence in determining the type of life we live, and we leave that power on the table if we allow our family’s culture to be created organically, by default.
How do you cultivate the culture you want for your family?
The first step is assess where you are at. To determine “Am I creating my family’s culture or is it being creating for me?” You may already know the answer to that but if you don’t, this 10 Second Quiz that will help.
10 Second Culture Quiz
Answer Yes or No to the following questions:
Our family seldom has time to spend together.
Our family has so many individual interests that it's hard for us to find things we have in common.
There are so many things that are important to me, but I don't have time to think about them, let alone include my family in them.
I feel powerless over my time and commitments.
Others often complain that our schedule doesn't allow enough time for them.
Time is flying by, and my children don't possess the kind of character I had hoped they would.
I often wonder if my kids/marriage/family will turn out okay.
Everyone is doing their own thing, and I often wonder how we can stay connected.
I sometimes feel like we are losing the battle against outside influences that don't reflect my values.
I am unsure about the legacy I will leave behind.
8-10 Answered Yes: What are you waiting for? It's time to take back control of your family!
5-7 Answered Yes: With just a few changes you could change the course of your family.
0-4 Answered Yes: Amazing! You are on the right track!
A healthy culture isn’t created overnight. It requires a daily investment of time but is definitely worth the effort. If we could do it then so can you!
Why Family Culture Matters and How You Can Start Cultivating Yours
A family culture is the norms, values, beliefs, and customs of people that are passed down from generation to generation. For my husband and I to have a mission statement that truly represented what our family could and should be, we had to determine what kind of culture we wanted.
A few years back my husband and I realized that our family life looked nothing like we imagined. We were overscheduled, disconnected, and burnt out from the busy. We knew for things to change we had slow down, re-establish our values, and identify the gap between what our life was like and what we hoped it would be. So decided to write a family mission statement.
It turned out to be a bit harder than I thought. While I found lots of information about why it was important, I couldn’t find much on how to do it. Eventually, I created a step by step process that my husband I followed and then shared on Circles of Faith. To get started we set aside a few hours, grabbed oversized sheets of paper, markers, pens, along with a cup a tea, and our Mission Statement Discussion Sheet. We talked about our passions, our values, and the things we wanted to accomplish.
After numerous discussions, we still didn’t have a polished paragraph that we felt was ready to share with the world. Something was missing. So I went back online and started to look into how well-known companies came up with their missions statements. When I did, I kept bumping into the concept of culture and why it was so crucial to a successful organization.
That’s what we were missing! A basic understanding of what we wanted the culture of our family to be.
So what is culture?
Culture is the heart of an organization and yes, even a family. According to Wikipedia, organizational culture is the “behavior of humans within an organization and the meaning that people attach to those behaviors.”
Culture is what organizations become known for.
For example, Patagonia is known for their passion for the planet, Google for employee perks and stimulating work environment, and Chipotle for their simple and healthy food with integrity.
What does culture have to do with families?
A family culture is the norms, values, beliefs, and customs of people that are passed down from generation to generation.
Just as in business, family culture refers to how a family relates to one another, works together, and achieves goals. Family culture is the DNA of a family. It’s the what of, “That’s just the way we do things.” Just like a fingerprint, it's what makes your family unique.
Why is culture important?
Research shows that family culture plays an even more influential role in shaping a child than parenting styles do.
It is not a question of whether or not family culture exists but whether or not you control it. << Click to Tweet
In the workplace, healthy culture retains employees. In a family, healthy culture maintains engagement and promotes belonging. Through ups and downs, your family culture will tether you and your children to your values and one another.
What people want in their workplace is the same as what members want in their family. To be a part of a winning team, something that works. To contribute to visible, tangible results and to feel the excitement of being a part of something bigger than themselves. An intentionally created culture within a family provides that.
Next Steps
For my husband and I to have a mission statement that truly represented what our family could and should be, we had to determine what kind of culture we wanted.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project.
If you are interested doing the same here's our suggestion:
Set aside dedicated time with your spouse.
Gather pen and paper for taking notes from your conversation.
Reflect on your past together. Talk about your favorite memories growing up and where you spen most of your time as a child. Was it at home or a friend’s? Why? Recognize the sights, sounds, and smells represent HOME.
Consider what others are doing and how it impacts you. When we go to their homes, what makes us feel welcome? What can you always count on when you’re with them?
Determine what you want you family to be known for. There are things that you as a couple or a family are already building into your culture. Decide whether they are things you’d like to maintain or change.
Brainstorm about what that means practically for your family. You might have to make changes to your schedule to accommodate the things that matter most to you. Implementing your cultural ideas may also mean changing the way you spend money are well as what you say yes and no to.
In addition to our values and core passions, these answers became the raw material of our mission statement. Just like a business, ministry, or organization, our mission statement, when adhered to would produce the culture we desired.
Want to start cultivating your family's culture?
Download this free Family Culture Discussion Sheet. It includes questions that will allow you to explore who you are as a family and challenge you to dream about what you could be together.
Exploring the World – and the Bible – with Your Kids
Sometimes when we read the Bible with our kids, it is like going to a foreign land. Just like on our vacation, understanding the context — the history, culture, and even cuisine, of the Bible — gives us a better understanding of God’s Word and just how revolutionary it is.
We finally did it! After months of wishing, hoping, talking, and saving, we booked our family’s first trip abroad. As soon as we did I headed to our local library to get a few guidebooks, travel videos, and storybooks set in those locations. Since it was my kids first time traveling overseas I knew it would be important for them to understand our destinations’ history, culture, and cuisine so that they could get the most out it.
Sometimes when we read the Bible with our kids, it is like going to a foreign land. Just like on our vacation, understanding the context — the history, culture, and even cuisine, of the Bible — gives us a better understanding of God’s Word and just how revolutionary it is.
How to Start a Cooking Club plus Connecting with Your Child and Mentoring Others
Whether you are looking for something fun to do with your child or desire a way to invest into the next generation, a cooking club is a great place to start. Check out these tips that will help get you started.
One of the best ways I have found to connect with my kids is to embrace the things they love and participate with them in it.
I got lucky with my oldest daughter, she loves to cook. She binge watches the Food Network, goes to culinary camp, and likes to experiment with food. We cook at home together, but at times it’s sporadic because of our busy school and sports schedule. I realized that If I truly wanted to connect with my daughter and cultivate the talents she had, I needed to set aside a consistent time for her to explore her passion. So, when she was 10 years old, I started a cooking club for her and a few girls in our neighborhood.
I knew it would be a fun way to enjoy time with my daughter but I didn’t realize it would also be a great way to connect with her friends. I have known many of these girls since kindergarten, however, the cooking club has provided a unique opportunity to mentor them as well. I discovered...
You don’t need to be in ministry or have an official title to invest in the next generation. << Click to Tweet
For me, mentoring looks like teaching a group of teens how to crack an egg, sift flour, and emulsify ingredients. Each time I interact with these girls I have the opportunity to encourage them and influence them in a positive way.
If you think starting a cooking club sounds like a great idea, check out these tips that will help get you started:
Invite kids to participate. The number of girls will depend on what you are making and how hands-on you want to be as a host. We started out with a total of 6 girls. With two girls to a “team”, we made three items: specialty drink, appetizer, entrée, side dish, or dessert. As the girls became more independent, we added an additional food item and two more to the group.
Choose a regularly scheduled time. Keep it simple and pick the same day and time each month. At first, we tried to accommodate everybody’s schedule month by month. Eventually, it became confusing and sometimes we had to skip a month because we had trouble resolving schedule conflicts.
Decide on a budget. It’s important to know how much you are willing to spend each month. My daughter would choose seafood and filet mignon every month if I allowed her, but when you’re cooking for a large group it can get expensive fast. You can choose whether to pay for the groceries yourself, charge monthly dues, have members bring ingredients, or take donations.
Choose meals that fit the children's age and ability. Start off with simple recipes in the beginning. Many of the girls in our group never cooked before joining our club. In the beginning, we chose recipes that required only basic culinary skills. My daughter and I taught them how to chop, dice, and properly measure ingredients. Now that the group has been together for three years, we moved on to more complex recipes that require reducing liquids and blanching vegetables. Ask about allergies before choosing the meals.
Read through recipes and create a timeline. Once you have chosen the meals make sure you have time to make everything. Don't pick recipes that need to be marinated or chilled overnight. Also, not every recipe takes the same amount of time to cook so plan accordingly.
Set up individual stations ahead of time. Stations should include a copy of the recipe with pots, pans, utensils, and ingredients that are needed.
Confiscate phones. It’s important to be fully present essential when working with flames, hot surfaces, and knives. Our girls place their phone in a bucket as soon as they arrive. I was hesitant ask this at first, but the no one seemed to mind, now it’s routine. The only time they're allowed to use their phone is to set a timer and take pictures.
Have fun! I often find myself just running around behind the girls cleaning up. Other times I walk them through recipes teaching them tips and tricks.
Eat together. The best part of the evening is sitting down with these young people and as they enjoy the results of their hard work. I have been tempted to hang back in the kitchen to clean up or sit somewhere else to eat. However, I realized eating together was the perfect opportunity to talk with these girls about school, favorite subjects, and sports. As our relationship has deepened we've begun to talk about the pressures they deal with at school and their relationships.
Whether you are looking for something fun to do with your child or desire a way to invest into the next generation, a cooking club is a great place to start. If cooking is not your thing, that’s ok. There are many other ways to connect with your child. Take time to discover your child’s passions and let them lead the way.
For more on mentoring, check out:
- Episode 018 of the Slices of Life podcast Elisa Pulliam and Biblical Mentoring
- Impact Together: Biblical Mentoring Simplified by Elisa Pulliam
- 100 Questions for Mentors
- Mentoring 101 by John C. Maxwell
Hospitality and My Sexy Bean Dip
Our mission as a family includes having a home in which others feel welcome. We enjoy having people over to break bread and share stories. We host small groups for our church, backyard movie nights, and even enjoy last minute guests. One of the best ways to head off anxiety about hospitality is to have simple, go to recipes, on hand. I haves a few but my favorite is Sexy Bean Dip.
On the podcast this week we are talking about Hospitality. We discuss what the Bible says about it and how important it is to build community and make others feel valued. We are also share about how we feel about opening up our home, what prevents us from being more welcoming, and how to overcome it.
Our mission as a family includes having a home in which others feel welcome. We enjoy having people over to break bread and share stories. We host small groups for our church, backyard movie nights, and even enjoy last minute guests.
One of the best ways to head off anxiety about hospitality is to have simple, go to recipes, on hand. I have a few, but my favorite is Sexy Bean Dip. As I mentioned in the podcast, my BFF makes this with fresh ingredients.( Her's is way sexier than mine.) I make mine that way when I can, but often I opt for canned and frozen ingredients because I can keep them stocked (except for the avocado) and ready to go when needed.
Sexy Bean Dip
- 1 can (15oz.) black beans
- 1 can (15oz.) corn
- 1/2 medium onion
- 1 can (15oz.) petite diced tomatoes
- 1/8 cup cilantro
- Squeeze 1/2 of a lime
- salt and pepper to taste
- diced ripe avocado
- 1/4 tsp. diced jalapeños
Mix together and bowl. Store in the refrigerator. The longer the flavors marinate together the better it tastes. Serve with tortilla chips.
Episode 010 Extending Hospitality
Little things mean a lot when it comes to hospitality. Your home doesn't have to be perfect, just prepared to make people feel welcome.
Join Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and me for this week's podcast.